Yarns Without Threads 

"Rupert ... why are you wearing a dressing gown?"   ...

  ... "... I never wear anything around here. I'm not overlooked. But with all these lovely ladies arriving I thought I'd better cover up. Don't want to frighten them."

"I wouldn't mind a bit of nude sunbathing myself," said Ben.

When they got back to the villa everybody was naked.

They didn't realise it at first. Pym was lying face down on a sunbed by the pool, Simon was sitting on the grass with a towel over his lap, and Ben was swimming.

"We've turned this place into a nudist colony," he said, pulling himself out of the water.

"So you have," said Wendy, looking at him. "What for?"

"It looked nice out this morning so I left it out. Why not? There's nobody within half a mile."

"I see," said Wendy. She noticed that her husband was holding a bottle of champagne, and guessed that alcohol had helped to precipitate this nudist paradise, a theory which was confirmed when Ben fell backwards into the pool.

The splash woke Pym, who sat up. Her breasts were as brown as the rest of her body after topless sunbathing by her own pool. However, a triangle of white round her blonde pubic hair revealed that nudism had not yet arrived in the Brocks' back garden.

"Get 'em off, Wendy," she commanded. "Keep me company!"

"Certainly not," said Wendy. "There's too much flesh here already."

"Until you've walked naked in the sunshine, you can have no idea how good it feels. Come on, Nick."

"Not me," said Nick. "I'll get excited."

"I don't believe it," said Pym. "It was only when humans started wearing clothes that the birth-rate soared. If we all walked around naked it would drop."

"Don't bet on it," said Nick. "It's your legs, Pym. They give a man ideas."

"I've seen better legs on a horse," said Ben.

"In your present state, comparisons with horses are what you should avoid," Pym told him. "Your penis makes an acorn look menacing."

"I should check Simon's first," said Wendy.

Venables sat self-consciously by the pool, filling himself up with champagne. He had been coerced into this by the Brocks and once they were naked felt that he could no longer sit there dressed. But his wife was right. Ben's, though small, looked bigger. His discomfiture increased when his wife reappeared in a bikini.

"Have you been showing them your parts, darling?" she asked. "Or did you leave the magnifying glass at home?"

"Screamingly funny, my wife," Venables told the others. "The thing is that most people only ever see the opposite sex naked." He was drunk enough now to stand up and drop his towel. "Do most men have bigger ones?"

"Well," said Pym, studying him, "I've never seen a smaller one. What happened to the rest of it?"

"It gets bigger," replied Venables.

"I should hope so," said Pym, "or you'd never find it."

"Never mind, darling," said Wendy. "It's the workman, not the tool."

"Absolutely," agreed Pym. "I knew a man once -"

"I don't want to hear it," said Ben.

Nick lay back on a sunbed in jeans and shirt. He wanted to sunbathe but was uncertain about what to wear or not wear. He liked the idea of a nude swim, but he didn't want to leave Wendy isolated as the only dressed guest.

Nick Bannerman lay in bed that night and wondered whether to take his clothes off the following day. In this heat the idea of nude sunbathing appealed to him, but he was certain that, with Wendy looking at him and Pym's brown body padding round the lawn, he would get an erection of Olympian proportions. He had read that men never had them in nudist colonies, but he didn't believe it. He didn't see how they could avoid getting one. He had half a dozen a day with a suit on; how many more would he get stark naked, in the company of beautiful, unclad women? He had one now, just thinking about it. There was another, connected problem which he had been aware of since his last years at school: his penis was enormous. After the ribbing that Simon Venables had endured about his anandrous condition, he did not welcome public scrutiny.

At seven o'clock the following morning, when a hot sun was already beating against the window of his room, he decided to conduct an experiment in nudity while the others slept. He crept downstairs naked and went out into the garden. It seemed an extraordinary luxury to slip from his bed and walk straight out into the world without bothering to dress. He realised that never before in his entire life had he been outdoors without a shred of clothing.

He walked up the garden in the sun, passed the pool, and took a leisurely stroll round Rupert's vegetable garden. The feeling of freedom was a delicious surprise. He followed the boundary of the garden as far as the vegetable garden when he saw that Wendy, the early riser on this holiday, was already outside and coming towards him. There was nothing he could do but face her. She was wearing jeans and a man's shirt. He felt at a disadvantage.

"Are you getting the early-morning air?" she asked, looking at him approvingly.

"I thought you were all asleep."

"So you decided to join the nudists? Be careful you don't vasectomise yourself on the century plant." But she couldn't take her eyes off his body and he knew, with the usual mixture of pleasure and embarrassment, that a monumental erection was on the way. He turned to one side but the outward and visible sign of his excitement was more than she could overlook.

"Blimey, Nick. You're huge," she said.

"I'm sorry. I'm experiencing a mild tumescence not dissimilar to a hard-on," he said, and jumped in the pool before this development could reach its full potential.

Wendy sat on the bed in her room and wondered whether to take her clothes off. She had watched the others adjust happily to nudity: if she was ever going to try it, this was her opportunity. She stripped naked and looked at herself in the mirror. She had a nice figure. Her breasts weren't as large as Pym's but they were round and firm. The only thing that spoiled her appearance, she realised now, was the white part that the sun hadn't seen. Perhaps this afternoon she could put that right. She ran a comb through her hair, and then combed her pubic hair as well. Nervously she went downstairs.

Nick ... swam a slow length and congratulated himself on the healthy life he was leading after months in a smoke-filled room. He dived to the bottom of the pool in search of a glinting coin, failed to find it and pushed himself to the surface.

Wendy was approaching, with a bottle of Spanish champagne.

"I thought I would join the nudist club," she said, only slightly embarrassed.

"I thought you were wearing a flesh-coloured leotard," said Nick, standing in the pool. "What a lovely body you've been hiding, he said ejaculating into his cocoa."

She opened the champagne and filled two glasses which she put on the poolside table. Nick found himself staring up at the neatest bottom he had ever seen.